To the promised land… and beyond!

Cherished souls of the Last Cult, let me start by saying that I, your Most Wise, Blessed and Untainted High Beacon – am absolutely bloody knackered! Just got back from our North America tour, and I've gotta tell you, I was incredible. I really do give my all for you lot. I probably give TOO much, which is why I'm now indulging in some long overdue self-care and having a soak in the bath. Don't worry, no danger of electrocution, I'm dictating this to my secretary who will type it up later after he's finished digging another hole. Praise be!

Let us begin by addressing the elephant in the room. Nay, let us punch the b*****d in the face.* I speak of that rumour that just won't flush (much like our chemical tour bus toilet) claiming that there's ANOTHER cult compound next door to ours, and that I'm in love with the leader of said next door cult. Firstly, OK, yeah, there is a cult next door, but this is Hollywood, there's seven cults in this zip code alone! Plus I'd hardly call that lot a cult, more like a bunch of hippies running a yoga retreat, not a proper fire 'n brimstone / end of the world outfit like mine. Also my obelisk is much bigger than theirs. I've measured it.

To the second matter, that unholy suggestion that I am in love with the head honcho of this other cult – who btw goes by the name 'Moon Flower' (major eye roll) – utter bollocks. If anything, it's the other way around! The number of times I've been looking through my binoculars and spotted her looking right at me! It's embarrassing. Not only that, she's now trying to make me jealous by pretending to like 2D. Classic negging! Giving him little gifts, cups of tea, I know the signs.

But fear not, I shan't be lured from the righteous path, the path to the promised land, as prophesied by the prophecies! On that subject, Russ tells me he's getting ever closer to figuring out the details of our transcendence – time, place, etcetera – he's even doing that thing detectives and serial killers do, scribbling one of those mood boards all over his bedroom wall. All will be revealed shortly...

Until then, I am attempting to bottle my divine essence. Won't say any more for now, but we're hoping it'll be ready in time for Xmas.

Adieu!

Great Leader, Anointed Beacon, Supreme Overlord, Groundskeeper of the All-Seeing Garden, and He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Gazed-Upon of The Last Cult.

*It's a metaphorical elephant, no elephants were punched, ok?